


It's Only Upon Waking

by littletechiebird



Category: DCU, DCU - Comicverse, Nightwing (Comic), Red Robin (Comics), Robin (Comics), Superboy (Comic), Teen Titans, Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-05
Updated: 2012-04-05
Packaged: 2017-11-03 02:19:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/376007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littletechiebird/pseuds/littletechiebird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Request: Amnesia!Tim does not remember who Kon is. And that makes things… difficult when Kon decides to come back to the land of the living.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Only Upon Waking

When there had been a refusal to share Tim’s current location, Kon had felt a bit more than frustrated. The refusal _despite_ the little fact that he was suddenly back from the dead after a year. He thought that was a pretty good reason for them to just help a guy out and let him know just where Tim would be hiding out around this time -- because that could have changed in a year, and it kind of had. But in stead of finding it odd, he just found it irritating. It hadn’t been the first time that he’d been denied that kind of information, and he’d learned how to get around it. Before he’d-- well, _died,_ he’d gotten quite a bit of practice with it. Though a year had passed, it just felt like overnight to him. So he didn’t feel too rusty. Closing his eyes, he hovered in the sky of Gotham, taking in a deep breath and letting it go before he just listened. He’d find that voice that he knew so well. The voice that had haunted him right down to the very--

 

_“No. Nothing today.”_

__

It was short and simple. It sounded.. hollow, which made him second guess himself. He listened further.

 

_“It’s alright, Timmy. Maybe tomorrow, you know?”_

__

But he knew that voice, too. Dick’s voice, traced with the usual cheerful coloration, but it held something else too -- disappointment, worry.

 

_“Tomorrow.. Yeah.”_

 

Words repeated as if they had been said hundreds of times already, losing their meaning with the time that passed. 

 

He was moving towards the voices before he thought much of it. It was a need because something felt wrong, and he’d already waited too long. Something was already trying to kick it into his skull to remind him that he hadn’t just fallen asleep over a night, a year had really passed, and there was something wrong. Something he had missed because he _hadn’t been there._

__

The apartment -- penthouse? -- he came to was unfamiliar to the meta. Another bit of proof of his time gone. Peering in the window, he saw Dick standing in the middle of the living room area, just several feet from here Kon hovered outside. He was looking towards the hallway, where Kon saw a glimpse of someone before they headed out of sight. As if Kon couldn’t guess who it was. 

 

Coming to land on the balcony, he raised a hand and lightly tapped on the glass to get the attention of the man on the other side of the glass. His lips had settled into a serious line, worried. The whole feeling about this was wrong. Reading situations hadn’t always been his strong suit, but this time his intuition was screaming at him. Whatever it was, he just had to know. It would be fine. He could handle it. 

 

Gaining the attention he had desired, he watched the way the man’s eyes flashed in surprise and disbelief, unable to move for a few seconds until he gathered his bearings and approached the sliding glass doors, expression suddenly serious. Everything about his body language suddenly seemed defensive. 

 

“Superboy.. You’re alive.” 

 

Kon managed an awkward smile. “Seems that way.”

 

“How did you-?”

 

“Batman made me figure out my own way to find Tim a long time ago.”

 

He only nodded. That hadn’t been all he was asking, but maybe right now wasn’t the right time to have that discussion. Silence took over for several moments before Dick’s expression fell as he sighed and he seemed conflicted before he finally spoke. “I know this is going to sound really cold but -- you can’t be here right now. It’s just got a good time.”

 

Needless to say, Kon was taken aback. There was no way to not feel offended by being told such a thing. He’d never really been told that he couldn’t see his best friend, and he never thought he would when he had just come back from the dead. A guy would think that was kind of a big deal. Or at least it would be enough to get him the “O.K.” that he was looking for.

 

Actually, he still wasn’t sure why he needed approval to see his best friend.

 

“Why not?” It probably came out more demanding than he meant it to, but it was honest to his feelings at that moment if nothing else. 

 

There was a flash of something in Dick’s eyes before his eyes diverted to the side, seeming to sift through something rather unpleasant in his mind. It made Kon nervous. 

 

“..Tim isn’t himself right now.”

 

That wasn’t exactly the explanation Kon was looking for. Actually that made him a lot more nervous. That led to a surge of defensiveness which probably continued to do nothing good for his tone.

 

“Do me a favor and elaborate on that a little more.”

 

The man just sighed, seeming to deflate as he placed a hand on his hip while the other went to the back of his neck, rubbing the skin there.

 

“You know how long you were gone, don’t you?” A mute nod. “That time wasn’t exactly _kind_ to Tim. He.. he’s lost a lot more than just you. Losing his Dad, Bart, Stephanie...” He shook his head. “Even Bruce, for a while.” His hand fell from his neck, back to his side, his eyes finally coming to meet Kon’s. “Tim’s strong, but he couldn’t cope with all of that. I don’t think anybody could. He held it together for a while, and he was actually making every effort to bring you back.” There was a pause. “He was trying to use the Lazarus pit, and he was even trying to _clone_ you.”

 

Kon’s stomach dropped.

 

“I found out, tried to get him to stop, but I think it was not doing anything anymore, not having any ideas, the ones before that not working..” He shook his head, clearly unsure. “Not just that, but it became something that his opponents would pick at. Each shot dismantled him a little more. We pulled him out of the field for a while but he started to have, well, no.. I came around to check on him more and that was when I found out about his nightmares. Then he started having breakdowns. One night, just over a month ago, I got him to calm down from one. Finally got him to sleep..” Dick visibly winced. “..The next morning, he didn’t remember anything anymore. He didn’t know me, he didn’t remember anything that happened, he didn’t know his own _name_.”

Kon hadn’t realized he’d taken a step back until he felt the cool metal rail from the balcony under his hands as he gripped it tight. 

 

“He.. doesn’t remember? Still?”

 

Silently, the man opposite of Kon just shook his head sadly, saying nothing. 

 

“But.. there has to be something we can do.. He.. He can’t just stay like that!”

 

“We’ve had the best doctors flown in already, Kon. We’ve tried everything and we’ve been getting the same answer -- he’s protecting himself. There’s nothing medically wrong with him. He just doesn’t _want_ to remember.” 

 

This time Kon was the one shaking his head, eyes screwed tightly shut. No, he didn’t want to believe this. It couldn’t be like this. He felt so responsible.

 

“No. Maybe he didn’t want to before but I’ll help him. It’ll be better if I can just see him. I can help. I need to see him, Dick.”  He was desperate. He could do it. He’d figure out a way. Maybe just seeing him alive, seeing that he wasn’t going anywhere and he was back for good, maybe that would spark something in Tim. Maybe it would pull him back -- the Tim that they knew. “I can _help_.” He pressed, begging the older man.

 

Conflict showed on his features again, clearly thinking through the pros and cons. But after a while without an answer, Conner became impatient. He brushed passed Dick and let himself into the home that was beyond the sliding glass doors. He heard Dick’s footsteps follow, and the door close and lock. 

 

The meta didn’t ask what room Tim was in. He allowed his feet to be led by the automatic trail that was set as he listened to the even heartbeat that was now just a few rooms away. But as he was just a few steps from the door itself, Dick was suddenly in front of him, holding a hand in front of him to get him to stop. “Just.. let me tell him we’ve got you here.” A nod, and Dick gave one in return as well before he lightly knocked on the door and cracked it open. 

 

“Timmy?” 

 

Kon noted the way Tim’s heartbeat picked up for just a moment, but he heard no movement otherwise.

 

“There’s someone here to see you.”

 

This time there was shifting that came with the sound of the heartbeat that thudded in his ears. 

 

“Who?”

 

There was absolute confusion, and only a bit of curiosity. Kon wondered if he had even caught some hesitance when he had listened for that response. His voice sounded so _small_ , yet it was somehow a little deeper than the last time he’d heard it. That was when he realized he had a hesitance of his own rising. A year. A year meant changes to those who had been in his life before. Dick seemed the same, but Tim.. Tim wouldn’t be. 

 

Dick glanced back at him and he took that as his cue. With only another second or so of hesitation, he took the final steps into the room. On the other side of the room, huddled in an armchair, was none other than Tim himself. He was in a white t-shirt, v-neck, and black sweatpants. His knees were drawn up to his chest, heels braced on the chair with his toes and balls of his feet hanging off the edge. His arms were crossed, resting atop his knees. HIs chin was resting atop his arms until he shifted his head towards the door, his cheek resting on his arms in stead. He looked so small bundled into the chair like that, but upon close inspection Conner could see just how much he had changed. The more defined muscles on his arms, the face that had become somewhat more angular, losing all baby-fat that had previously remained. His hair was longer, too. Judging by proportions, he seemed like he’d be taller too if he got to see him stand. He’d.. grown into himself. He wasn’t a lanky, knobby, awkward little teenager anymore. Cute seemed to have a lot less descriptive merit, and _handsome_ seemed more fitting.

 

But then Kon caught his eyes. Those blue eyes that could show him just what Tim was thinking. The way that they could flash with amusement, or a fire that stopped him dead in his tracks. How ice cold they could be, biting, telling him to shut the hell up. Or silently begging for him to understand, to read what he was telling him silently because he couldn’t find a way to say it aloud. Those eyes, which should not have had any reason to change, did. Changed because of what he had been forced to endure, and where he had ended up now. Those eyes were not cold, or burning, or warm, or flat out comforting.. they seemed _dead_. Kon had never felt so chilled. He didn’t feel like he was looking at Tim anymore. Tim was hidden away in that person, hiding away from the pain that reality had tried to burn him alive with.

 

“This is..Conner.”

 

Tim’s head tilted in the slightest as he raised it from his arms, but nothing in his eyes changed.

 

“Did I know him before?”

 

“Yes.”

 

It was Kon who spoke up this time to respond, a weak smile rising as he started to go on, trying to hide any visible sign of the pain that was clawing brutally inside his chest. “I.. was gone for a while -- about a year. But we’ve been close friends for a long time. A few years at least.”

 

“Oh.”

 

That was it. That was all the response he got. His confidence had long left him. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting, it wasn’t like Dick had given him any kind of hope to hold onto. He should have seen it in the circles under Dick’s eyes, the lack of cheer in any form from him when he was usually the source of optimism in that Bat Family of theirs. He should have seen it in the way his shoulders sagged, and heard it in the strain in his voice. 

 

He didn’t know how he’d fix this. Not yet. But he would.

 

He had to. For Tim. He had to be able to do this much.

 

“Oh? That’s it? C’mon man.” 

 

Pushing everything else away, he grinned. He found it in himself to grin the best that he possibly could, to the point where it brought his eyes to shine with it. 

“If you don’t remember anything, that just means I’ve got that much more to tell you.”

 

_‘Then, when you remember,  you’ll have that much more to tell me about while I was gone..’_

__

_\------------_

__

It went on like that for hours that night. 

 

Hours turned into days.

 

Days turned into weeks.

 

Weeks turned into months.

 

Conner had been told a few times by now that it was hard to watch at times -- his exchanges with Tim, that was. Yet, he’d also been told that Tim hadn’t looked so happy during the first month that this had happened, or the year that he’d been gone for. So he still knew he was doing something good. Even if progress wasn’t being made, this was enough. This was worth it. 

 

He was practically -- well, no, he was living at Tim’s by now. It was where he slept, ate, and bathed. He didn’t leave, not for more than a couple days at a time, max. He only left to go and visit Ma and Pa back in Smallville when they asked, or if they needed his help. Or if Clark actually invited him on a mission. He only agreed because it was something that Dick, and even Tim, had encouraged him to do. It still made him uneasy because he saw a little bit of sadness edge into Tim’s eyes each time, but there was also the smile and the encouraging words that told him to go. So he complied, he just kept things short. He didn’t mind.

 

Every day, all he would do was talk to Tim. He’d tell him about a time they’d goofed off, or he’d messed up, or a mission they’d gone on. He talked about all of their friends, how many times Tim had saved their butts. How sorry he was that he had gone.. that was something he made sure to mention too. Tim was always quiet in those moments. Kon was always the one who would have to fill that gap. Tim seemed completely unable to. He told him about the time they’d spent as “Young Justice” and when they’d been a part of the Teen Titans. Dick was often there too, at least somewhere around in the apartment, so he would chime in every now and then with stories of his own. Tim always listened quietly with such fascination. It was like a child listening to their favorite bedtime fairytales. By now, Tim had heard each and every story a million times over - and that really did mean _every_ story, happy or otherwise. Tim had started asking. Dick had been hesitant, and so had Kon, but he’d decided to tell him anyway. Tim seemed stronger, and he was. It didn’t mean that horror didn’t strike across his face -- because it did -- but he didn’t freak out. He just listened and accepted what he’d been told, sometimes asking about more specifics to gain further understanding.

 

It was very much like him to do so.

 

No matter how good the days could be, it was the nights that were the hardest. 

 

The meta had learned quickly that, even with a lack of memories, there was no lack of nightmares. Tim would either try to starve his body of sleep -- which he had done before he lost his memories, but that was a bat thing -- or he would sleep, only to end up screaming. Sometimes his screams would be enough to wake himself up. Others, Kon would have to figure out a way to try and soothe him. When he couldn’t, because even he couldn’t win every time, Dick would find a way. They both had their tricks, and luckily, one or the other would always end up figuring it out. It was horrible to see just how cruel Tim’s own memories were to him. They were something he couldn’t cope with, yet he couldn’t escape them fully -- not in his dreams. It left him with dark circles under his eyes each and every day. 

 

Then they learned something new along the way.

 

One of the nights that he’d been calming Tim from a nightmare, he’d been exhausted as well. They’d been up all night before with an especially bad nightmare episode. So he was worn out. Dick hadn’t even been able to get up when the screaming started. Kon had assured him he could get Tim to calm down and go back to sleep, or talk to him until he felt better, and that he had done. But as he had talked to Tim as they laid in his bed, Tim had curled up next to him, and before he knew it, he had fallen into an even sleep too. 

 

That was the fight night that Tim slept through, after the initial episode.

 

It was something Dick had pointed out the following morning after asking how the night had gone. 

 

So they tried it again the following night. It hadn’t been hard to get TIm to go along with the idea. A small, child-like smile had settled on his lips when they’d brought it up.

 

“The nightmares stayed away last night, after you stayed.” He’d said. It was something exciting for both Dick and Kon. It was something so simple, but it was a big deal after having so many countless nights where Tim was enduring so much trauma. It was painful to watch. The idea of finding a fix was better than gold.

 

From there on, it had become the norm. When Tim went to bed, so did Conner, whether he was tired or not. They would climb into bed, Tim had taken to snuggling close, and the night would go smoothly. It was always quiet until morning. Every now and again, Kon worried anyway. What if he just wasn’t screaming? What if the nightmares were still hurting him? So there were many nights where he would stay awake, at least for as long as he could, and watched his expression while listening to his breathing, as well as his heart rate. Each time it elevated in his chest, he would go on high alert. Was he alright? But his eyes just seemed to flutter in REM movement, leaving Kon to hope it was a good dream, or even better -- a good memory. Maybe the more of those he had, the more he would want to keep, and maybe one day they would all come back...That was when he would help him deal with the bad memories, just like he had with the nightmares.

 

\------------

 

Memories or not, one thing that he was both glad and amused to find was that Tim’s coffee addiction hadn’t lessened. Though he didn’t remember having it, as soon as a pot had been brewed, his nose had been quick to remind him. The look on his face when he had caught the scent had really been something. There had been a twinkle of recognition before a relaxation that spread through his body visibly as any tenseness left him. He sagged into his spot int he couch a little more, allowing his head to loll back onto the cushions as he closed his eyes and sniffed at the air. He knew that look, but he hadn’t been expecting to see it. Though, sometimes the body remembers what the mind can’t. 

 

So it rejoined their daily ritual, and Kon considered it another little triumph. It was one more bit of normalcy. It was one more step towards getting Tim back to being himself.

 

They’d decided to watch a movie the night before. One they must’ve watched a few dozen times back at the Tower. It wasn’t only that he was hoping it’d eventually do something in combination with everything else, or that it might at least help Tim, but it was a good memory for him too. But it didn’t help with his hopes as Tim started with a sudden commentary that was so familiar, almost word for word, throughout the whole movie. He’d been stunned, hardly able to make the same responses that he always had. He tried to will his heart down to it’s proper place and out of his throat. There was no reason to get his hopes up. So Tim was acting more like himself, that was good, but it didn’t mean memories. It didn’t promise anything, and they’d already had time after time of disappointing moments where they thought there was _something_ that had really ended up as _nothing_. It was alright. It was alright because those blue eyes that seemed so dead those months ago seemed so much more like the ones he remembered. They weren’t there yet -- there was still a difference, but the improvement was undeniable, and it felt _good_.

 

He woke to the smell of fresh coffee -- bold, warm, comforting. It was a smell he had long learned to like, even if the drink wasn’t something he was overly fond of. Then again, he didn’t need to be. It mattered more of what it meant, what it signified, what it made him remember and think of. He blearily opened his eyes, rubbing at them to try and clear his vision. He’d probably step out onto the balcony to grab some sun soon.. Pulling up his sweatpants on his waist as they had gone askew, he yawned and stood. Stretching, he sighed with contentment as he stepped out of the bedroom and into the living room, towards the kitchen. Running a hand through his hair as he stepped onto the tiled floor, he looked to Tim who had his laptop on the counter, scrolling through a webpage with one hand, the other wrapped around the handle of his mug that was full of the steaming black liquid whose smell he had woken to. Just a few feet away, the toaster was hard at work to cook some waffles. 

 

“Seems like Dick still isn’t back. He’s been spending the last few days with Babs, right?”

 

“Yeah. I’m glad, too. Maybe he’ll finally get around to a proper proposal.” He chuckled to himself, and an equal laugh left Kon. Between the two boys, neither really noticed what was said. the moment felt too natural. They’d been slipping back into natural moments like these without much thought at all, or much to make them think about it. Kon usually ended up catching it later.

 

But one of the origins of the sound came to an abrupt stop as he had been about to turn, his hands that held his mug trembling before they slackened. Kon’s own laughter cut off a few seconds after, his eyes shooting back open to zip after Tim, catching sight of his current standing. There was an odd rigidness to his form, one that seemed to threaten slackening like his hands had. The mug had shattered on the floor, a small puddle of the warm brown liquid spreading over a mid-size expanse of the tile. 

 

Watching from the outside, it looked like he had been abruptly startled out of a dream. Eyes suddenly opening after they had closed, seeming to gain a better focus of the world around him, suddenly understanding everything as he had. As if upon waking from his dream was his first and only opportunity to find that anything had changed, or been strange at all. 

 

“T-Tim?” His hands shot out towards him, wanting to grip his forearms and help keep him stable. It seemed like he could use it. But as he did, wide blue eyes found a way to further widen as he took a step back. He was reeling, his eyes darting back and forth before he just looked at Kon.

 

Kon made no effort to move after his attempt for contact had been so visibly rejected. He could stand just being there, ready to catch Tim if he needed it. Ready to talk him down if they were in for a rougher moment. He could only assume that this was going to be a moment where they took a step back. It seemed like it, but that was alright. They could build back up to this point and next time, they’d keep stepping forward. It’d be a one step back, two steps forward kind of thing. There was no need to rush.. They’d already gotten this far.

 

But tears had welled up in those bright blue eyes, and fear had faded. There was disbelief, and relief. There was something else too, but it was something he hadn’t seen in so long. He didn’t dare name it. But there was no denying it. It was those eyes.. Those were the eyes he had been waiting to see. 

 

“You’re back.”

 

That voice sounded so small again, almost like it had when he’d first seen Tim again after getting his second chance at life. It seemed like he was fighting for the ability to speak, the words being squeezed out of a throat that had gone dry or wanted to cut itself off. 

 

“You’re back and.. you’re really _here_.” 

 

The choking relief was shared on Conner’s end just the same. Tim hadn’t been the only one to lose his best friend. It had been so long. So, _so_ long. 

 

Stepping forward, avoiding the broken glass and spilled coffee, he grasped Tim’s shoulder and pulled him to him, one arm wrapping around his shoulders, the other wrapping around his waist.Turning his head, he pressed his lips to the boy’s temple, closing his eyes and burying his face into the longer black strands as Tim’s arms wrapped around him.

 

“Seems you are too, Tim.” 


End file.
